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[7.29.08] |
bah
lifes GAY, hah me and the bf of 2 and a half years
broke up on our 2 and a half years
haha LOL
whatever
im so overrr all of this,
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[4.3.08] |
mmm my babies.
haha i have two feeders in my backyard.
and oh sooo many hummingbirds.
i love them so much, they just bring joy
ps.i love my new camera, i cant believe how attached to the hip i am with it, ha i had one before and ughm it broke so finally after a year i saved up enough to buy another one.
im am so excited!
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[3.21.08] |
i hate when everything feels like it keeps getting ripped out of my hands
one minute everything is great
the next everything blows.
sometimes i wonder if i took a different road
if my life would be better? or worse.
i cant describe how i feel
but at the same time im more inspired to do new things
i feel this point in life, is like i need to choose my choice of life
ugh i just want to be set free, do as i please
live life to the fullest because right now i feel like im trapped and cant do a damn thing.
living in a world i dont feel wanted...
i want happiness and i want to LIVE LIFE
not dred it, why cant at one point i be the happy one
why cant i have the feeling i want so badly
why cant just one thing in my life be good...
im sick of everything
ughhhhh
i just feel like laying in bed for the rest of my life.
someone please inspire me to do bigger and better things
friends come back to me
life some back to me
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[1.29.08] |
ugh im so tired, i want to sleep.
i cant fall asleep, i think im finding reasons to get mad.
or i dont try but i look at something and it does
even if i do see it i dont understand why im getting mad
ugh wtf is wrong with me
im so sick and tired of work
im tired of getting blamed for shit
im tired of getting shit
im tired of argueing
i knew it was hard
but i didnt think it was this hard
i wish i just had a job like adam
worked couple days a week, for a couple hours
and have a lot of time off
i can take a WEEEEEEEK off, in a whole year
wow and i already took 3 days off, i think i get as many days off as i work so if thats the case then i only have one more day i can take off and its only january
fuck me life i hate it more
i thought getting out of school and sht was going to be awesome and getting my summer finnally, and get the break that i was DYING for
now what? i work yeah i only work 4 days but now im getting more hours i dont even get paid min. wage
and my days are 8 or 9 hours longs each time i work and tomarrow is one of my 9 hour days
i feel like im complaying now so much something i shouldnt but
i want a break from life
i want to feel wanted at my work
mayeb then i would love to come in
you know?
but when you come to work and keep getting in trouble for shit i didnt do
have drama with ONE coworker
im sure its not right when i have already cried enough at work and after work
ontop of that
i cant even find a fucking model
why doesnt anyone want their damn haircut shit
uhriesudhvglidfrgruiwge
oh and i cant quit for 18 months cuz im on a contract
i just want to be happy
i know people hate their jobs n shit
but i thought i would love mine
but i think that everything that has gone on made me hate it
ughhh i hate this shit i complain thats all i know how to do
there is maybe one or two things possitive in my life
and im missing one right now
and the other is my family which is good
ugh and not having any friends kinda sucks too
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[1.5.08] |
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monday im going to LA for a week. yay:) jan 7th through 11 eeep i hope its not raining.
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[11.27.07] |
all i have to say is im happy, but beattttttttt.
work is killing me, heels are KILLING ME
but eveything else is great:)
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[11.14.07] |
in a sense everything feels like its flying by.... my stateboard is in one day, i start work on tuesday. (@ Nirvana Salon in downtown Los Gatos) i hope everything goes great, but im terrified.
i cant believe how fast i grew up, it feels like my life blew by and i didnt even stop to enjoy any bit of it...
i should be happy, but something is just missing...
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[10.11.07] |
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why is it that im alive but feel so dead?
i really sometimes just dont know what to say think or anything, everything always goes wrong, im a fucking mess up. sometimes i just dont know why im here, i do nothing with my llfe and apperently bring people down or dissapoint them. i guess ill alwyas stay the same and a fucking mess of a person.
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[9.17.07] |
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never thought i would be this lonely without my family...it really sucks.. my countdown will begin shortly until my last day of beauty college hell:) grad date: october 19 stateboard dare: november 16 school is almost over and i cant be more excited...
everrrrydayyyy is the sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme...
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[9.4.07] |
man, getting sick just puts the cherry on the top to a great weekend... gaygaygayyyyyyy.....
lets see, my parents are leaving monday for 2 weeks, and adam is going to stay with me which is awwwesome. im so excited to spend so much time with him again.. also september 18th is the styx concert.. damn i am so excited i can begggggggin to explain it. this month will go by fast. then only one more month of schooool! my stateboard date is november 16. hopefully i will get my licence so have your fingers crossssed!:) blaaaaahhh
man i feel like shit fuuhhh....
mmm best part of my days lately(other then spending time with adam) is driving my baby aroundddd...mmmmmmm
haha im so happpppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
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[8.29.07] |
i hate being schooled by people who wont even have a name.
im sure i know my life way more then any of you would ever. i dont share my life with anyone, i dont have close friends but im so happy i dont, now no one had a chance to fuck up my life like all the other times my so called best friends have.
fuck you world.
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[8.7.07] |
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FINALLLY, since my car has been failing on me, i got a new one. my new baby carrrrrr.
LOVESSSS IT:)
mine! 2003 mercedesc230
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[8.6.07] |
why is it that i always catch myself dreaming...
dreaming of things i want in life, things i cant live with out, things that are out of my control but i wish to happen. i hate the feeling of having to fall asleep with a tear dripping down. with a negitive thought in my mind.. why cant things be amazing. and stay that way for longer then a day, why cant i actually sit here and think of things without just flat out crying and getting teary eyed.im not saying everything is easy but everything is so hard, atleast for me it is. everyday is a constant stuggle. either to save my love or to finish what i started. i want so much but i cant get myself to do it. i cant. even if i think possitive i cant. i try so hard then come crashing down, failing so hard that i cant pick myself up. its too the point i feel i cant do a single thing. my mind doesnt want to work, my body is even worse.the only thing i can do is cry. but i dont want to feel sorry for myself. im better then that but it getting down to this.
i dont want to finish this anymore.. maybe ill have some time later. i have so much to say , i just want to say it, i hate writing it... whatever once again im stuck wishing for something good to come along and stay good.
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[6.27.07] |
i finally got a job.
come say hi to me, and get your hair done.
nimbus salon, downtown los gatos
:)
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[6.18.07] |
i hate my life, i have not one friend.
i feel horrible and want to cry all day long..
i only have one person, and that person cant always be there for me
i hate life right now more then anything
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[6.4.07] |
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wow fucking livejournal, thank you for not saving my WHOLE entry, fucking gay, i just spend a lot of time on it and when i posted it, it didnt post it. ugh that was fucking gay, im not rewriteing it. new hair, picture the only thing i have saved. 
im reallly annoyed now, ha fucking fuck.
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[5.29.07] |
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its pretty rediculious how tired i am of my life.. i want something exciting to happen, something new... it feels like everyday is the same, same routine, same thoughts, same dreams but nothing is happening.. on top is having horrible allergies. haha this past week was pretty awesome though, adam had come home with me sunday and stayed the week with me, then friday morning we left to go camping.. the drive was pretty long, redding is kindaaa far away.. but it was worth it. we went fishing every morning, and night and sometimes evenning, hah went tubing during the hot day, cuddled at the cold night.. ate amaazzzzing food. i just wish it wasnt over, it felt like the week just went by so fast, in a way it feels like it didnt even happen with how fast it seemed to go by.. now again im waiting until i can spend a long period of time with him again... also; it was mine and adams 13 months, WOO! haha we count down the months i love it. anyways, it was pretty amazing, i was so surprised and ahhh man, i was just so happy that well fuck i was so fucking happy. i came home from school, i walked in, adam was there with pink and white roses, and a bag of hersheys kissables. my favooooriiite! man, he surprised me with that, i totally thought he forgot. iono just these little things were fucking amazing.. we had a good day, we didnt do much but its okay, we went to target and he bought me cute shorts haha:) i felt so special that day it was just so great...
this week was supposed to be my last for cosmo until i went on a little break, buttt they changed it so now i have 2 weeks to go. ha so lame, i just want a break so bad. i cant say it enough how fucking tired i am of school, everyday its the same fucking thing...wake up early, go to class, then the second class, then drive to cosmo, then get out at 4 30, get home by 5, do absolutly nothing, go to sleep, and do it all again, and some days go to class then class then cosmo then class till 9 30 pm. cool, the only excitement i get in my life is being around adam and hanging out and doing something fun with him, other then that i got nothing...im just so tired of it, i know i say it enough and i know how people feel the same way.. i just cant wait to get out of school, but im scared when i get out, i want to get a job and get money, move out ect... but i dont want to go straight into working,... i want some time off, i havent had one summer yet... i am always in school during the summer time, im always in fucking school... and this summer is nothing differernt, im in school UGHerdfhioiudhgidughuitfburf hopefully this year goes by fast and i can be done! yeahhhhh.
2 weeks until i go to LA to see my best friend. fuck yes. her bf has a show, and adam made the shirts for his band. so we are both excited. i just cant wait to goooooooooooooooooooooooo. thats my week off school so im taking full advantage of it (i hope) ha since thats the ONLY fucking week i get off haha for my whole summer. uhhg
i wish i was back camping again.. this place was just so beautiful...
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[5.22.07] |
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first off, im sorry i dont remember how to make a link to put everything in it. so im sorry it might be long...so if anyone knows well let me know:)
first thing, im going camping friday morning, im so excited hah. wed is me and adams 13 months together! wooooop!! he stayed (is staying) the week at my house. so its amazing being with him for almost 2 WEEKS! its perfect. coming home to him, cooking dinner, i dont know why but im getting such pleasure from that. just seeing him happy and yeah . ha lame. whatever.....
this weekend i went to him to paintball, well i mean i watched him play. hah it was kinda amazing, he is soo good its rediculious. and he looked super cute. with his LV head band. hhah cuuute. well over all the weekend was good and this week has started out great. i still feel bad because adam just sits around the house while im at school but i try to do everything i can when i come home. finally, im getting my hair done wed. platinum. i couldnt be more excited. i hope she does a good job.
well i really dont know what else to say, heres two pictures, adam paint balling and me, uhm looking like a ghost. hah
im pretty content with life..
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[5.16.07] |
dear weeks; hurry up and pass, the week days take to long to get to the weekends.
im tired of waiting and counting down every week.. its annoying because its not going by any faster
i wish school was over, i honestly dont want to do a thing, i lost all my motivation in life
i want to get out of school and do absolutly nothing for a year. or couple of months just sleep and go hang out with friends and boyfriend.. im so sick of everything i wish things were easier but who doesnt? ugh im just so sick of my life i want something to change but it seems nothing will ever, i forgot how to have fun, how to laugh, how to have a good time...
i miss michelle so much, shes the only friend i have.. (seriously) i have no one else (friend wise) we barely talk since its long distance and i cant ever see her cuz she lives 5 hours away. its so horrible, i just want to hang out with her so i can have some kind of joy seeing a friend. since no one hangs out with me, and no one calls me but my parents and adam..im not complaing im not happy with my family and my boo i just miss the whole having friends part in my life...
but what sucks the most is, how can i meet new people, if i sit at home all day? im not going to go out and find people thats dumb, you meet people through friends which i dont have! hahahahahahahah so im hopeless...
MICHELLE COME SEE ME:( or im coming to see you in two weeks, alone or with adam i just need to see you i fucking miss you bestie:(
i love my boyfriend, he is the only one i have, i cant wait to go camping next weekend, fuck yes 4 days with me. no computers around, no phones, nature, fishing, camp fires, tubing, wake boarding, water skiiing, wind in your face, snow on the mountains, bears, hahaha jk we havent seen a bear. UGH i fucking adore nature! i love it! eeee im getting excited just thinking about it! i honestly cant wait to spend this long of a time with adam, i dont remember the last time i spent more then a day and a half with him haha so this is exciting.. i know i already said this last time, but i miss him so much its fucking horrible. i wish we could move in together tomarrow so distance will stop being a problem and stop being there.. ugh i have a lot more i want to say but whatever...
so if you live around san jose, AYY call me lets hang out, i want friends
haha
& if you live in la area, IM COMING SOOOON! so lets hang out, go to disney land, or anything i dont know that area well, but michlle does. so if you live around there let me know we can all hang out! :)
i love greentea..
oh, so last night after night school i locked my keys in my car, all THREE PAIRS. hahahahahaa how did i manage that? so my keys and two of my spares were inside my car...and my insurence doesnt cover road assistance, so it would be 56$ to open my car! hahahah well since my father is amazing, he bent my door and got the keys out, you cant tell my door is bent to much, i mean a little if you feel the door but hahah man, im sorry car, you are getting beat up, but yeah. i love my dad he is amazing. i have no idea how he did that but he did it. i love him so much.i feel bad they have to deal with me sometimes. im a pain in the ass..
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dangstace's journal
